


can i try again, try again, try again?

by criesinauthor (wrotemyowndeliverance)



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Getting Together, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Second Kiss, Zuko is a Bad Liar, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24453613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrotemyowndeliverance/pseuds/criesinauthor
Summary: It was the middle of the night, and Sokka was thoroughly disappointed to be tasked with burying their garbage before moving camp in the morning. Sometimes he felt they only kept him around to do their dirty work, a literal earth bender is here and he has to go out into the woods by himself to dig and redig spirits-know how my holes. Despite his displeasure at the situation, he ventured into the woods with a spade and his new sword at his side, just in case, silently griping under his breath all the while.The last thing Sokka expected was to see that night was Fire Prince Zuko sniffing around their campsite.Or "What It's Like Trying to Apologize To Your Enemy When You Are Gay and also Super Dumb and Don't Know How To Socialize"
Relationships: Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 845





	can i try again, try again, try again?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Perfect Distraction](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1214218) by [Dracze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dracze/pseuds/Dracze). 



> A little bit of what could pass as internalized homophobia due to that incredible canon typical toxic masculinity, as well as canon typical consent issues from Sokka, despite ye old troupe of unspoken understanding. Reader discretion is advised and behavior like this in real life is unacceptable.
> 
> This is set towards the middle of Book Three, before the Day of Black Sun, but after Zuko realizes what he must do. Mostly begs the question "what if zuko apologized but also they kissed that one time" bc it SEEMS ineffectual initially, but when u take into account their development, with Sokka having learned to be more sensitive and hinge less of his identity on his perceptions of masculinity, while simultaneously maintaining his bastard energy and Zuko learning to embrace his natural inclinations towards kindness while simultaneously believing he sucks doesn't deserve anything good, and now they both have to contend with he reality of feeling some type of way about each other!!! the flavor is immaculate.

It was the middle of the night, and Sokka was thoroughly disappointed to be tasked with burying their garbage before moving camp in the morning. Sometimes, he felt the gang only kept him around to do their dirty work, a _literal_ earth bender is here and _he_ has to go out into the woods by himself to dig and redig spirits-know how many holes. Despite his displeasure at the situation, he ventured into the woods with a spade and his new sword at his side, just in case, silently griping under his breath all the while.

He'd walked about quite a ways from their campsite when he began hearing something other than his own ~~_bitching_~~ speaking. It wasn't calling out to him, it sounded more like someone rehearsing for a play, but you can never be too careful in the Fire Nation, so he grabbed his sword. As he drew in closer, what felt like leagues into the woods, he started to hear what the voice was saying. 

“—And then if I did a good job I'll still be alive and maybe we'll talk about sports? I don't know anything about Water Tribe sports but I'll do my best.”

The voice sounded familiar, not in a good way, and he was suddenly on high alert, even the croak of the badgerfrog seemed suspicious. 

Then he craned his neck around the tree he was hiding behind and he realized _why._

The absolute last thing Sokka expected was to see that night was Fire Prince _Zuko_ sniffing around their campsite. 

He'd been dressed in all black to conceal himself, but he hadn't worn a mask since Ba Sing Se. He was even unarmed, or as good as unarmed, his dao were leaning up against the rock boasting the frog. As long as Sokka could trip his roots, or whatever bending nonsense he heard from Katara, he was sure to come out on top. Even so, Sokka struck his battle stance, dropping the spade and the bag of trash, wanting to be ready for whatever messed up trap this was sure to be.

“You're right, why would _we_ talk about Water Tribe sports. That wasn't a good example. That's not the point though, the point is I’m—”

Sokka rolled out of the brush, raring for a fight. “Your point doesn't matter! I don't know what you're planning here, _traitor_ , but you're not welcome.”

“Oh, hi.” He stared Sokka up and down trying to assess the situation. “ Zuko here.”

“I know _exactly_ who you are.” Sokka said sharply. 

“Right, I guess you do.”

What felt like an eternity of silence passed between the two of them as Zuko stood before him. Even the bagerfrog couldn't stand the tension and hopped away. The prince didn't look much different than the last time Sokka had seen him. His hair was longer, he was less tired, and it was clear he wasn't going to say anything else, so Sokka picked up the pace. "What do you want? Aang's gone. You won your stupid war. Leave me and my sister alone."

"I'm not here because of the Avatar."

Virtually nothing in Sokka's life prepared him for this. The last time they were alone in the woods like this...he didn't like to think about what happened. Not actively anyways. If he absentmindedly thinks about being pinned to the ground by Zuko mid-fight, wordlessly convincing both the prince and himself to let go _(literally in Zuko’s case)_ with some high level, defensive _mouth to mouth_ campaign, then punching and kicking him to make an escape he's always regretted, _just_ a little, it's between him and the spirits. 

Now, instead of fervid action, immediate pay off, zero time to think, the need to escape coloring every action and reaction, it seemed everything was suspended, like swimming in an ocean of space and they were two whirlpools orbiting each other, waiting to turn into a riptide. 

"Then what do you want?" Zuko opened his mouth to speak but got cut off by Sokka. "Exactly, You have everything a Fire Nation traitor could ever want, so just leave us alone!"

"I wanted to see you."

Sokka was thankful the cover of darkness would hide the red spreading across his face despite his best interests. "Well, I don't want to see you. So, leave." He gestured a 'shoo' motion with his sword. "Forget about me."

"What makes you think I haven't tried?" Zuko clenched his fists then relaxed them, sending sparks out of his fingertips. "I'm sick of thinking about you. About what I _did_ to you. That's why I'm here."

Sokka had a long list of grievances against Zuko. About one third of which he was a scapegoat for on account of being the closest thing to a Fire Nation enemy he tangibly faced on the regular, but that didn’t completely matter. _He_ was on the wrong side of history, and he _wanted_ to be there, that much was clear after Ba Sing Se, even if he wasn’t on the front lines any longer. 

“Oh, _cool_ , so you walked all the way here in your soft impractical little _prince_ _shoes_ and we're supposed to do _what_ now? _Huh?_ Hug it out? Cause I think you took that option off the table a long time ago, buddy."

"Listen to me." He walked up to Sokka. 

"Stand back. I don't _have_ to listen to you, y’know."

Zuko complied, but was still closer than he was initially. "I'm trying to turn over a new leaf! I can't do that if you don't listen to me, just once."

Sokka sighed impatiently. "Just get it over with. Then go, nobody wants you here, Zuko."

"I know. I just.” He hesitated trying to form his thoughts into words. ”First, I want to make it clear that I didn't come here because of that thing that happened. You know the thing where—"

“Yes, I know the thing!” Of course Zuko had to bring _that_ up. Sokka didn’t exactly regard it as one of his finer moments. _Kissing a firebender_ . It wasn’t long before he got defensive and his train of thought wavered into directions such as _if he still thinks about that traitorous kiss he must've liked it too much,_ followed by a swift swerve into _of course you didn't like it too much that isn't why you think about it stop thinking about it, just think about how cool your sword is._

“And I’ll have you know _that_ was a mistake. I would've just knee'd you in the family sunstones if I knew a couple months later you'd just be crawling back. I'm not some desperate, entitled, immature kid like you, _Zuko_."

"I just said I don't want to talk about that! Well, I do. I mean I want to talk about more than that. What I mean is I _don't_ want to repeat it."

"What? Why not?" Sokka stopped waxing superior in a staunch defense of his fifteen year old self's make out survival skills. "Was I really _that_ bad? I'll have you know I'm an incredible kisser. Better than I've ever been, in fact. Not that I want it repeated either, I don’t"

"I don't exactly dwell on it that much, but if I thought it was bad it's your own fault for fighting me afterwards."

"I would _hardly_ call it a fight _,_ but this time it will be." He again brandished his sword pridefully to hide the disappointment in his voice. 

"There isn't any this time! I forgive you, I'm over it. There's no need to do it again"

"Good, _Firelord Junior_ forgives me for defending myself. Great. _Fantastic_."

"Is it still self defense if I would've let you go?"

"Yes!" Sokka exclaimed. "You're kind of crazy, no offense. I mean you might _seem_ chill now, but that was a different story _,_ I'm not gonna sugar coat it. I was _scared_."

Zuko scratched the back of his head and spoke low, almost muttering. “Yes, so scared you kissed me and tenderly caressed my face?"

"I wanted to get out of there! That's it! So, I cloyingly manipulated your teen desperation. Sue me. You’ve done worse. _Way_ worse" 

"And I'm sorry for that. I just.” He struggled to choose his words and balled his fists at his sides. “I want this out of the way now, before I work on the rest."

"Work on the rest of what? What are you planning?" He parried towards Zuko to punctuate his point, causing the firebender to stumble back a bit on the uneven terrain. 

"It's none of your business. Just know you and your friends have nothing to do with it. Well, not nothing, but you...you wouldn't understand. You'll find out. I just can't talk about it right now. Do you accept my apology?"

"It better not have anything to do with them." Sokka still stood defensive but his voice softened, that is to say, it was hard in the way he sounded when he was sincerely speaking from a stern place in himself, not exaggerating it. "Have you really changed that much? How do you think I’m supposed to believe that?"

Zuko dropped to his knees before him, his head bowing below Sokka's blade. "I am apologizing. I am sorry. For everything. I was lying to myself. I was confused. I still am, really. I just want to leave my mistakes behind, change for the better, I just needed to start with someone."

Sokka's face softened and his stance wavered, clearly uncomfortable with how readily Zuko put himself at his mercy, before continuing to interrogate the Fire Nation youth on the ground in front of him. "Why me? Why didn’t you go to Katara, or" He stopped himself before saying _Aang_ , who was still supposed to be dead in the eyes of the Fire Nation. “Or _anyone_ else?”

"I don't know." Zuko turned his head up slightly, he seemed insincere, almost like he was upset by his own response, but given he made himself basically defenseless before Sokka's blade, he couldn't help but take him seriously. "I guess you seemed good. To start with. A crueler person would've acted very differently, even now."

"Listen, I didn't do anything because I like you or wanted to be nice."

"You have the chance to cut me down to size right now. I know you're still planning something and I know you still think I'm nothing more than a rock in the path to your victory. You haven't even grazed me. Even your little sister would have had me waterboarded by now" 

"Just because I'm not some sadistic Fire Nation dude and I don’t have magic powers doesn't mean I'm willing to forgive you." Again, Zuko began a sentence just to get cut off by Sokka. "I know how cursed it must be to live with what you've done, and I know _my_ forgiveness will never absolve you of any of it. There's nothing I can do to make you more miserable than you make yourself.”

"Thank you." Zuko bowed his head deeply. 

" _Hey.._ ." Sokka, who was still a little shaken by how serious this interaction had become, finally put his blade back in it's sheath on his hip. He’d always lived with the expectation he’d have to go head to head with some _Fire Nation scoundrel_ one day, so of course he’d thought about it. 

He’d been told of how horrible and bloodthirsty they were his whole life. How they’d fight tooth and nail like a _roach_ before you could get them within an inch of their life, how once you get them there they'd sell themselves out in a minute, no issue with who went down with them, no _honor_ , but never did he consider a surrender, or an apology, especially from _Zuko_. 

The image in his head was never a boy his age on his hands and knees, who had regrets, hopes, fears, who felt _remorse_ . Sokka wasn’t even quite sure he still _wanted_ to be that kind of man. If he let his ideal situation, that hero warrior killer instinct, go too far, how was he actually any better than how he had seen Zuko? 

Since the last time they were alone together he'd be confronted with this idea constantly, not the whole thing, little by little. For a moment the last time they were like this, in a tender, desperate moment, a moment where he thought about how he’d never been kissed _either_ , that he was lonely _too_ , that he enjoyed _it_ , all the little things he believed he could outsmart until ultimately he couldn’t. When his worse nature got the best of him and he punched and kicked and shoved, just like he’d always been told. 

Maybe now was the time to try a different approach.

He smiled. "I said I'm willing to, not that I _do_."

Zuko didn’t notice, his head was still bowed even after Sokka put away his weapon. "What would I have to do to get you to actually forgive me? I'll do it"

"You must really want to know, huh?" Almost all of Sokka's defensive warrior persona had peeled back into his regular character by now, a halfway desperate attempt to evade anything close to coldly brandishing his sword over Zuko’s head.

" _Yes_. I do."

Sokka got down on one knee and struck the most smug face known to man. "Admit that I am a good kisser."

Zuko shook his head in disbelief. "This is not what this is about!"

"I'm serious! Now, admit it! C'mon, stop kidding yourself, it's okay."

“I’m very hesitant to deny you this because of how it might sway your, uh, favor regarding my forgiveness.”

“Oh, it _definitely_ will.” Sokka leaned his head on his hand in intrigue. “Choose your words wisely.”

“You’re so good that I...was left speechless?” It wasn’t a question, but it sure sounded like one when Zuko said it. After a thoughtful pause from Sokka, he ignited his hand and pretended not to see the face Sokka made at it.

“I am never gonna get used to that, am I?”

“You’ve been pretending to be from the Fire Nation and you’re not used to seeing people firebend?” Zuko said, deadpan in disbelief.

“Hey, a few months _here_ does not compare to spending my entire life in a place where one person couldn’t make a fire outdoors if they tried their whole life.” Sokka emphasized his point by shifting his hands from one side of his body to the other, firmly asserting the distance between them.

Zuko looked at his hand. “I guess it doesn’t. Not to mention it is pretty intimidating, sometimes. Even more so when you have experience with it.” Sokka looked at him, half concerned and half confused by the nature of his statement. “The clothes suit you though. Kind of.” He added with a tentative gesture to Sokka’s shirt. 

Sokka put his hand over his heart. “Gross, I’ve never been so insulted in my entire life. Truly. This is the kind of thing I will _never_ forgive..”

“So, you will forgive me for the other stuff?”

“I dunno.” Sokka drew out the sentence mockingly. “Speechless _is_ kind of a vague adjective.” 

Zuko pulled his mouth tight, like he was suppressing an expression. “I think you just enjoy having the upperhand. For once.”

Sokka shifted from his knee to a more comfortable, seated position on the ground to Zuko’s right, figuring his left wasn't his good side. “I always have the upperhand and your thinking I _don't_ only proves that I’m _right_.”

“Fools are the ones who truly believe they are kings at the long day's end.” Zuko spoke with a careful meter.

Sokka considered what he said for a moment, then hit him in the arm as soon as he realized. “You haiku’d me. I hate you so, so, so much. You are a bastard.”

“I didn’t know you didn’t like haiku. I won’t do that again.”

Sokka looked up to the sky and waved his arms “Wan Shi Tong, he who knows ten thousand things, _please_ let Zuko one day understand the subtle _art_ of insult comedy.”

“Oh, you were being _funny?_ I’m sorry I didn’t laugh.”

Sokka looked up again with a much more “are you kidding me” expression on his face. He then leaned towards Zuko and said. “Write a haiku about how amazing and awesome and _fantastic_ I am at kissing and we’ll call it square.”

“Uh” Zuko paused for a moment to think of what to say next, then continued with growing confidence in his response. “I may have been punched, but what is bitter to bear makes sweet memory.”

Sokka grinned. “Not too bad. All is forgiven.”

"Good” This time Zuko allowed himself a smile. 

“Is that how you really feel? You can be honest, I’m not gonna take it back.”

”I don't even remember if it was good or not. I didn’t hate it. Whatever _it_ was. But that doesn't matter. We aren't like that anymore, right? Desperate kids, like you said..." Zuko put out the fire in his hand and began to rise, but was still on his knees, intending to leave. Before he knew it, Sokka sat up in front of him and placed a hand on his shoulder, gently anchoring him back down. 

“Wait” His grasp slid up to the nape of his neck, carding his fingers in Zuko’s hair slightly. The prince went stiff beneath his hand. “I want to apologize for kicking the shit out of you immediately after taking your makeout virginity. A real man would’ve thrown dirt in your eyes then called it a day.”

Zuko did laugh at that one, if you could call the breathy pseudo-scoff he made laughter.

“So you’re more into slapstick?” Sokka raised an eyebrow then shrugged. “Who knew?”

Despite not having any light from Zuko’s hand, it seemed something like the moonlight put everything in brilliant color, suddenly. Sokka’s hand twitched slightly as he began moving closer, not by much, just inching slowly enough that he could talk himself out of it.

They were both a bit disappointed when Katara called out from camp.

“Sokka! Sokka! Are you okay? What’s taking you so long?”

Sokka quickly took his hands off Zuko and moved back, as if he’d touched a hot oven. “I'm fine! I'll be back soon!” 

“You’d better be back before bed because if you’re asleep tomorrow morning we’re leaving without you!” She said before marching off to camp. 

He turned back to Zuko. “Sisters have to ruin _everything,_ am I right?”

“Oh, totally. I’m certain the only reason Azula has yet to end my life is because to do so ends my suffering. They’re the worst.” 

Sokka looked at him, trying hard not to gawk unrestrainedly at his statement. “Are you...are you serious?”

“Uh, I’m joking...about something serious. I'm getting over it though, don’t worry.”

“That isn't really a _normal_ shitty sister thing. You probably have the shittiest sister of all time. Congratulations.”

Zuko again let out a breathy _hah_.”I'll let her know you think so.” 

_"Please_ don't, I just got one crazy Fire Nation bounty hunter off my back, I don't need a new one.” Sokka grasped his hands together for an exaggerated display of _pleading._

“I _won’t_ , sorry.” He said on impulse before realizing it was _Sokka_ he was dealing with. “Unless that was the ‘ _insult comedy’_ thing again, then it was funny.”

“That was more _observational_ _humor_ , but I'm glad you're catching on.” Sokka punctuated his sentence with a lone finger gun. “And, as refreshing as your humility is, you don't have to keep apologizing. _Especially_ , when you still haven't accepted mine for kicking the shit out of you. Hypocrite.”

“You said I wouldn't have to worry about it this time so I didn't want to bring it up.”

“Oh, so now there _is_ a this time?” Sokka feigned intrigue to hide his actual interest.

“There _isn't_. You just said I didn't have to worry if there was so, I'm not worried. Not to mention I’ve made my peace with it already.”

“Oh. Alright. Gotcha.”

A beat passed between them. Voices could be heard in the distance, but not words. The cool night air blew through the silence.

“I’d really like us to just start over, but I know that isn't realistic.” Sokka said, punctuating it with an awkward laugh. 

“Me too.” Zuko said, still looking down. 

Another bout of space passed. 

Sokka had a forlorn look in his eye as he spoke, low and contemplated. “I think I was just upset. It was really hard then to consider you were a _person_ , too. Even trying to figure out if you could be sorry, for real. I just had to make it clinical and keep talking myself out of it, like an idiot. Then I hurt you over something that should’ve been _good_ . Y’know I’ve _never_ done that w _”_

“That's not stupid.” Zuko cut him off, ignoring his last few sentences for his own sanity, and placed a comforting, albeit awkward, grasp on Sokka’s shoulder. ”You were only protecting yourself.”

“From what? The crushing reality that _Prince Zuko_ is a human being? With thoughts? And morals?” After carrying on his point with larger than life mockery over his own _dumbfuckery,_ he found himself staring right down the barrel of Zuko’s golden, _impossibly-bright-for-the-middle-of -the-night_ eyes, and slumped back to reality, flustered under their gaze. “ The, uh, _unique_ eyes didn’t really help my case either”

Zuko felt his face get hot, but brushed it off by assuming his usual disposition. “You think I have _unique_ eyes?”

“It's an objective trait!” Sokka stuck his arms out for no real reason besides obnoxious emphasis, “It’s barely even a compliment. It’s neutral.”

Zuko laughed again, still little more than a brief puff of air. It was more sincere than a scoff, but it was still the most obvious expression of amusement he’d allow himself. “Oh, like speechless?” 

“No! Not at all like _speechless_.” He said with conviction, the next part was a bit more from a place of fondness. “It's a completely different experience.”

Zuko let his comment soak in a while before speaking,“I beg to differ.” 

“Nobody calls the _mouth_ the window to the soul, Zuko.”

“Why is that all you think I remember? I said I couldn't care less about the stupid kiss. It was _alright_. The whole messed up situation threw me off.” 

“It did?” Sokka said, slightly surprised to find out it _actually_ was something important to him, too. Not just a contrived defense of his own masculinity.

“ _Yes_.” Zuko said. They both let it breathe for a little while before he continued. “Your eyes are pretty unique yourself.”

“Dude, _shut up_ ” He said, hitting him in the arm again, despite Zuko _still_ being pure muscle and largely unaffected. This time in a desperate attempt to seem like he was still having simple feelings of _fondness_ and budding _friendship_ about this whole situation. All despite his want, and the heat rushing to his face, and the need coloring _every little thing_ _he did—_

This time Zuko did scoff, and he meant it. “Make me.”

Sokka saw the opportunity for some good natured sparring and decided to seize the opportunity. After all, he'd basically been handed an invitation, hadn’t he? It wasn't long after that he’d pushed Zuko back and straddled his torso, holding his arms to his sides. “Shut up.”

Zuko was initially startled and felt himself tense up even more, getting ready for another blow to the face like last time, beyond his best judgement. By the time he was flush between the ground and Sokka for a little under a minute, he’d realized everything was still fine and even laughed, a _real laugh,_ in relief, albeit slightly strained from the pressure on his body and awkward because, well, it was _Zuko_ . “I think I get it now. Thanks. I can really see how _unique_ your eyes are from down here.”

“Hey!” Sokka exclaimed. “I said _shut up_ , you're supposed to be _shutting up_ now, aren’t you?” 

“I said make me, and you haven't. So, why should I?” 

Sokka brought his face down closer to Zuko’s, not even considering the implications. “Etiquette, or something”

Katara was growing impatient with her brother and called out from the entrance of the wood again, still unable to see any trace of her brother or Zuko. “Sokka! Come on!” 

Sokka let go of Zuko and shot up, still straddling his torso. “I said I'm coming in a little while! Leave me alone!”

“What are you even doing?” She yelled back. 

“Nothing! Burying your stinky garbage! Just go inside I'll see you in the morning!” 

Katara let out a frustrated groan, but walked back into the cave anyways. Sokka was still engrossed in listening to make sure she wasn't coming when Zuko used the opportunity to flip them over. He didn't pin Sokka’s arms, he simply placed his own on either side of his head and stooped over him, his hair hanging in his face, but just shy of touching Sokka’s. “You look better than I remember. Like this. Not to say that I remember you ugly or anything. Or that I remember you often. Different. You look different. That's the word.”

Sokka was still a bit shaken from the sudden switch up as he spoke, impossible to ignore the warm _twinge_ in his stomach nor the voice in the back of his head reminding him he was overpowered by _a fire bender._ No matter how _~~handsome, nice, funn~~ y _ different he seemed. “You look _way_ better like this with hair.” 

He reached out to touch the locks nearest to his temple and Zuko let out a sigh. “I've still got it, huh?” Sokka laughed amusedly and raked his fingers through Zuko’s hair and reached the back of his head where it almost went into his neck and scratched slowly. He was glad Zuko had taken such good care of his hair because he would’ve given anything to see him biting his lip and avoiding eye contact like that. “Guess making you shut up wasn’t _that_ hard.”

Zuko struggled to focus slightly, before speaking. “Am I making it too easy?”

“Just a little bit.” Sokka said, internally mourning the fact that he couldn't use his hand to do any gestures. “In your defense, I'd be having a much harder time right now if you were in twelve tons of armor, so thanks for not bringing that.”

Zuko was quiet, simply breathing in time with Sokka until he spoke again. “I told you. I think you're a good person. I didn't think I'd need it.”

“It's also _super_ ugly. Just so you know.”

Zuko laughed, still in that mild way of his. “Insult comedy?”

“Yes, _finally!_ I could kiss you right now, I'm not even kidding.”

It wasn't until after he said it that it anchored the mood down for both of them. Zuko sat up and got off of Sokka. 

“Hey” Sokka got up after him. “What's wrong? Its just an expression! I'm kidding! I don't even have to go back right now, we can keep talking.”

“We shouldn't. I got what I wanted. You got what you wanted. I should leave.” Zuko was already up and brushing himself off to leave. 

Again, Sokka reached for him, grabbing his arm before he could make his get away. “I don't think that's completely true.” 

“What?” Zuko was a little annoyed, but he made no effort to shake off Sokka's grasp. 

“You know what I mean, Zuko.” Sokka, suddenly very serious, looked into his eyes and Zuko looked back. 

Zuko knew exactly what he meant. He even wanted it, _a little_ , but he _didn't_ want to poison this moment anymore than the setting did. To poison it with need, selfish hands, wrong moves, and _desperation._ Because why else would anyone want to tolerate _Zuko_ long enough to convince themselves to kiss him? He knew it was out of pity, and he knew he would be _pathetic_ to accept something he’d ruin anyways. Sokka could wax remorseful about his eyes and his soul all he wanted, but Zuko could tell, or so he thought, that the only reason was because his little display earlier made him feel _bad_. And now he was going out of his way to spare his feelings again, give him what he thought Zuko wanted, to get him off his back.

“Zuko?” Sokka said.

“ _Don’t_.” 

“What’d I say?”

“Just stop it, go back and forget about this.” He finally shakes off Sokka’s grasp. “It’s what’s best. For both of us.” 

“You’re really going to look me in the face and tell me you _don’t_ —”

“I _don’t_ need this right now, I said I don’t want to do it again and I said it for a reason.”

“Yeah, I did too, but—”

“But, _nothing_. You were right the first time, I don’t know why you have some kind of bleeding heart all of sudden. I don’t need your sympathy, so just do yourself a favor and stop trying.”

“Wait a minute” Sokka opened his mouth to start a few times before continuing. ”You seriously think I just feel _sorry_ for you?”

“I don't want your _pity_ . We both know I’m not,” He grunted in frustration with himself. “I mean _this_ isn’t worth it. You know it, _I_ know it. Whatever you _think_ I want from this doesn’t matter. So, just stop.”

“Zuko” Sokka said, trying to keep his tone even in the face of growing concern for the boy before him. “Do you seriously think this is just a coincidence? How many people do you know who—”

“Shut up.”

“It’s not pity, I want—”

“Shut up! Stop talking! I don’t want to hear your excuses.”

“I’m not making any! Why is this so hard for you to understand?”

“Why do you want to do this to _me?_ I told you I didn't come here for that, _I_ didn't want to put you through it, clearly you don't believe me. Honestly, I don't know why I thought you would.” Zuko stops himself there, but it's clear from the look on his face that in his mind he's still going a mile a minute, rattling off everything he can think of that makes him seem like a dishonorable _fool_. 

“I believe you! I do! I really believe you. I can see you aren't some kicked polar-pup coming over with your tail between your legs. You knew what you were doing, you wanted to prove yourself, it just happened to be in the most batshit insane way possible. I just _also_ see you're...I don't know how to describe it, but there's something else in there all that ugly armor was protecting and now you put it out in the open and I feel,” Sokka looked him in the eyes, deeply, like he was trying to figure something out, like he was trying and failing to use a cypher on some long coded text. Like all the pieces were there, but he couldn't hold them long enough to make them fit. “...I don't know. Stupid?”

“You're very stupid.” Zuko said bluntly, with a flicker of something more in his eye.

“Thanks for that. Basically what I'm saying here is—”

“Sokka!” Katara once again interjected. “Stop talking to the _moon_ or whatever you're up to and get to bed! It’ll still be there tomorrow night!”

“Tui, Katara! You go to bed!”

“We are in the La forsaken _Fire Nation_ , Sokka! I'm not going to bed until your butt is in this cave!”

“I'll get my butt in that cave when you stop being a hypocrite! And stop yelling! I bet _Zuko_ can hear us all the way in the palace!”

Zuko covered his mouth to hide the unsightly hint of _joy_ interrupting his angst.

“He can _not!”_

“Can _too!”_

“You're _insufferable!”_ Katara said, marching back inside for what was hopefully the last time that night. 

Zuko shook off his amusement long enough to speak. “You were saying?”

“Oh? You were _listening?_ What happened to telling me to shut up?” 

“Shut up and finish.” Zuko practically spat the words out. 

“That makes no sense, but okay. What I was trying to say is I think... _it_ is something _both of us_ would enjoy.”

Zuko was coming down, albeit slowly. “But, why? Why would you want me to feel _good_? After everything I've done.”

There were a lot of marked differences between the Southern Water Tribe and the Fire Nation that Sokka noticed, but one of the biggest was he didn’t see any _angutauqatigiik,_ men with men. _Two hard things rubbing together,_ to say it in the common language. He’d never had anyone _explain_ this to him, he was just around it so often, it was normal for young men their age, separated from the rest of the tribe during the hunting season, _~~that is assuming they hadn’t been left behind for two years straight~~ _ , and it was noticeably _absent_ there. Like _laws on the books saying it was wrong,_ absent. It was difficult for him to imagine growing up, feeling _that_ , and never having a word, or a sight, or an idea of what that meant for you the rest of your life.

And then the boy who gave you your first kiss _literally_ kicks you away. Not only is it messed up, not only did it make Sokka feel even _worse_ , but it was no place to start any kind of amicable relationship, platonic or otherwise.

“This is something that I did. _I_ started something that _I_ couldn't finish.” Sokka said. “It's my turn to fix something between us, Zuko.”

Zuko _hated_ knowing this. It was bad enough Sokka brought it up in the first place, wouldn't _let him_ forget, but knowing he wanted _something?_ It stirred _something_ inside him, something he’d been ignoring for a long time until then. His face was practically glowing with how red he was. He planted himself firmly to the ground and _wished_ he was angry, enraged, burning in any way except this aching, heart heavy, _soft_ way.

He longed for the kind of emotion he could channel out through his finger tips, or with a yell, in a big _burst_ of noise, fire, rage, _something_ , immediate release until it came bubbling up again the next time he got pissed. He _hated_ the radiation pouring out of him from the pit of his stomach all the way to his head. He hated how certain he was Sokka could _feel_ or, Agni forbid, _see_ the uncontrollable aura pouring off of him, with not a care at all for how he _should_ feel. 

And he hated most of all the fact that the feeling only grew stronger as Sokka approached him, placing his cool right hand on his burning ~~_burned_~~ cheek.

It wasn’t a shock to his system, _exactly_ . Despite everything he’d done that night, Zuko was still functioning on the assumption that if he leaned into how he _wanted_ to act, not how he _wished_ he was acting, not how he _thought_ he should act, he might as well burst into flames and drive him off himself, before he realized why he shouldn’t have been doing this with _Zuko_ in the first place. It was bad enough that his own face was giving him away and he’d be damned before the rest of him did, too. 

He stared at Sokka, waiting for _something_ to happen, waiting for him to realize, to regret, and then _run._ But, it didn’t happen. Sokka replaced his hand on his shoulder, then his bicep, then, to Zuko’s surprise, he was pulled in for a tight hug. It was warm, _nice,_ even. It only served to stoke the heat in Zuko’s chest, which for a split second was almost enjoyable, but he wouldn’t say that. The thought would be tossed on the burn pile inside his mind with it’s companions — the fact that Sokka wanted to do this, the fact that Zuko wanted him to be doing this, the fact that Zuko wanted to be doing _more_ than this.

Zuko smelled intensely of five spice and smoke at such close range. Any other time, Sokka would’ve been put off by it, it was the smell of a Fire Nation royal, no matter how pleasant it was coming off of him _,_ but that wasn’t _all_ he was, not anymore, not to him. He was smart enough to know he couldn’t credit all of this change of heart to the last few weeks. There had to have been some part of this awkward, blushing, sweet, funny boy there the entire time. Who’d been buried in angst, and evil, who was sorry and hurt and had to fight his way out the entire time to be there now. _That_ was who he wanted to apologize to, that was who he was holding, and that was _Zuko_.

“I’m sorry.” Sokka said into his shoulder. It was simple, fond, with just a touch of humility. 

“Apology accepted.” He replied stiffly, still trying to fight the part of him that wanted to tear up, the part that wanted to embrace him back, that wanted to be embraced, kissed, held, touched, _seen._

“ _Thanks_.” 

Sokka didn’t let go despite the lack of pulse from Zuko, and it stayed like that for an awkward minute or two until he spoke again. “Have you never been hugged before? Is that it?”

“I have been hugged before.” He replied.

“You don’t have to lie to impress me,” He pulled back, but didn’t let go, settling on interlocking his fingers behind Zuko’s neck to look him in the eye. “It’s cool if you’ve never been hugged before.”

“ _Shut up_ , I’ve been hugged before.”

“Then why aren’t you hugging me back instead of standing there like a _weirdo_?” He pulled back one hand to gesture for emphasis.

If he’d thought about what to say for longer than a second, he might’ve just told the truth, but he didn’t. “It’s not _weird.”_

“It is _very_ weird.” 

“I didn’t hug you back, because I wanted you to let go, so I could _leave”_

Sokka scoffed. “ _Bullshit._ You could’ve pushed me off anytime you wanted. Even now. Look, I’m not even using my body weight against you right now! I’m all open and defenseless, you _could_ just duck away.”

Zuko didn’t. In fact, he put his arms around Sokka’s waist and pulled him closer, managing to logic it away as simply proving he _wasn’t weird_ and _definitely_ understood how to show affection, which _wasn’t_ to say he had any to show towards him. 

Sokka once again tightened his grasp on the other boy. “I knew you had it in you, you _liar_.”

“ _Shut up._ ” Zuko paused then spoke softly. “I wasn’t lying, I just want you to give up on whatever you’re trying to do, as soon as possible. It seriously isn’t worth it. I stand by that. This is _not_ an act of encouragement.”

“ _Sure._ it isn’t.” He wrapped his arms even tighter around his neck and began scratching lightly at the hair by the nape of his neck, a clear attempt to challenge any resolve Zuko had left. 

He sighed and leaned his head back slightly into the touch. He felt truly pathetic over it, but decided to stay there, regardless. As if letting it go further would give Sokka more time to change his mind, as if it wasn't a subtle admission of what he actually wanted from him and that an admission _wasn't_ exactly what Sokka thought he was doing. 

Sokka let up on his grasp, just slightly, but kept lightly rubbing his head with his nails. In a moment's notice it was clear why he did it as he turned his head and gently placed a kiss onto Zuko’s neck just below his jawline. It wasn’t toothy, or long, or anything other than an act of _restraint_ on Sokka’s part. Just a test, to see how honest Zuko was being with the both of them, and it was a test that bore some repeating.

Zuko's resolution to keep on denying himself only wore thinner in the face of a second, then a third, then a fourth kiss, in mild succession, slowly coming up to his jawline to his cheek. It was clear that his fear of falling apart right there was still completely founded. Despite his solid conviction that this was a mistake in progress, never once did he _want_ to push him away, just briefly remembered that he _should_ have. He just stood there and held him close, still waiting for him to come to his senses about what they were doing, as he let out his first, fully realized gasp all night.

It was impossible for Sokka to suppress his smile at the sign Zuko actually felt something. He decided to divert his course early and pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth, again with no protest from Zuko.

“Have I _redeemed_ myself?” He whispered into his ear, this time using over compensating suavity to hide his genuine desire to know if he’d _actually_ done better.

Zuko was still trying to steady his breathing. “Are you going to stop if I say yes?”

Sokka ran his hand up and down the back of his head before pressing a much firmer kiss into Zuko’s mouth, which he eagerly returned before Sokka pulled back. “Not if you don’t want me to. And I doubt that you _do._ ” 

“But, do you want to? It’s not too late for you to go, I don’t care, it’s not—”

“What? _Worth it?_ “ Sokka gently raked his fingers through his hair. “You keep saying that, but I know it’s not true.”

Zuko shuddered at his touch, but didn’t let that change his mind, “What makes you think it isn’t? You didn’t _actually_ do anything wrong. It was annoying, I didn’t like it, but you weren’t wrong. I _deserved_ it. I don’t deserve _this_.”

The hand that was tangled in his hair stilled. “You do though.”

“ _Stop saying that._ ” Zuko said through not quite clenched teeth.

“Stop telling me that.” He held on tighter. “You aren’t going to change my mind. It wasn’t fair to do that to you.”

“It was more than fair. I hurt you, I deserved to be hurt back.”

“ _Please_ tell me you hear yourself right now.”

“I let you apologize because you seemed upset, but I didn’t do anything to earn this” He let go of Sokka and let his arms hang at his side. “I’m sorry for letting you go through with it.”

“Hey,” Sokka grabbed Zuko by the shoulders, then pulled back enough to look him in the eye. “I don’t know _how_ I’m going to get it through that thick, dense, _Fire Nation_ skull you’ve got, but, _you_ don’t have anything to do with _my_ decisions.”

Zuko looked blankly at him and blinked a few times. “Are you sure? I’m being serious you don’t—”

 _"Don’t have to do this_ _—_ I know. Listen to me, I couldn’t care _less_ what you _think_ you deserve. I _really_ dunno how somebody could be so self-loathing and self centered at the same time.” He eased up his grip a little and sighed. “You’re a total enigma, Zuko, but you need to lighten up a little. Not everything that happens to you is some karmic thing you _do_ or _don’t_ deserve.” He dropped his hands down from his shoulders to his hands, but never once broke contact, despite never taking them into his own. “Sometimes things just _happen._ ”

“They don’t _just_ happen. Not to me.”

“Can you stop being angsty for like _ten minutes_ and use your brain?”

“If I’m so stupid, why do you care what you do with me?”

 _“Tui and La”_ Sokka muttered to himself, slightly exasperated. “Look, I don’t think you’re stupid. I think you’d be really smart if only you had some rational thinking skills, some street smarts wouldn’t hurt either.”

“What about me isn’t rational?” Zuko raised his voice.

“Oh, do you want an itemized list or…?” 

Realization washed over Zuko, quickly dosing out the rage that was starting to bubble inside him. He shrunk in on himself visibly following his outburst. “I guess I see your point.”

“ _Finally”_ Sokka threw his arms out in joyful relief.

“Are you still sure?”

“Not really.” He slung one arm over Zuko’s shoulder and pulled him in close. “Now that you mention it, irrational angsting dao fighters from the Fire Nation who talk to frogs at gods know what hour of the night aren’t really my type anymore.” Sokka drawled sarcastically, not being able to help the smirk on his face as he pressed his lips into Zuko’s neck all over again. 

“That’s unfortunate.” Zuko returned the expression and let out a pleasant sigh. “I think I just realized pushy, know-it-all, boomerang-wielding, Water Tribe peasants are mine.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't want to write an epilogue because this is already SO LONG but know Katara apologized for the moon comment and Toph "saw" the whole thing then blackmailed Sokka with until Zuko joined the group officially. Fin.


End file.
